The other day, I woke up with these words in my head:
“So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you’ll wait for me
Hold me like you’ll never let me go.
‘Cause I’m leaving on a jet plane
I don’t know when I’ll be back again…”
These were the words to which I awoke. Familiar words from my childhood. Felt words of my present. This, the song she sang to Jeff and me when were kids. Me too young to know she was singing me my fate.
I recently heard that to be a mother is to suffer in paradise. And it might could be. Back in the States for four brief weeks, we stood in the corridor of Newark Airport. Joking. Laughing. Then the time came and just as suddenly did her burst of tears.
“Why you always leaving me?”
But I gotta go.
What incredible foresight, what magnificent understanding; the responsible execution of her purpose. The thing that makes her most proud of her youngest son is the source of her deepest pain. That we will be physically distant is a mere byproduct of the work she herself has prepared me to do.
We are not a stagnant people.
Monerock,
I heard an Ancient call from somewhere in the Universe, a call you have been training my ears to perceive since the womb, and I am responding. You see? You have already fulfilled what you were to have fulfilled through me. Whether I am here or there, you are with me always, an umbilical chord away. So as I walk, know that I am armed with your lessons and protected by your love. Can’t nobody hold me.
And the distance is difficult. But what sweeter knowledge than that of Purpose being realized? It is a knowledge that softens the hardness of any longing.
Momma, I know you gonna worry. But this is who we are. After all, is your history not marked by movement for the greater good? You and Nanny who left your country for another, to settle in a place of folks who did the same. Aunty Florence sequestered, then rescued by the merchant marine who raised you. And Monah, on the move till the day she left this earth. This is me because this is us.
I get it from my momma. I get it from you.
That’s how I know I’ma be all right.
-Amari
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3 comments:
I look forward to motherhood because of men like you. Your mother was blessed (literally touched by the gods) to have been a vessel of your arrival and to have imparted such wisdom and love into you. I'm tempted to say that you are amazing (and you already know that I think you are), but it is your mother whom I applaud. I only ask the Universe that I be as blessed and prepared when I embark upon that bittersweet journey of motherhood.
Give thanks for that post. It's exactly what I needed to read. My sons are away for several weeks and I miss them so much. I been sitting in their room looking at their stuff. Toys, books, old homework. Anything. The bond is real and deep. I hear their voices late at night. You are blessed to have a positive relationship with your mother. Every day should be mother's day.
Sweet Chris:
As usual your words has brought tears to my eyes. Thank you for the warm words. I am truly Blessed to have two sons like you and Jeff. When you are away, my arms ache to hold you, I pray an extra prayer that God's Angels watch over you and keep you out of harms way. I know this is something you must do. You have amazing friends that are always there for you. It is nice to know you always remember your upbringing and take it with you always.
Love, mom
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